What Would I Change About Myself?

I chose to write today’s NaBloPoMo post on the prompt provided for Wed. Nov.6:

If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be?

I have a feeling the answer to this question would have been very different 10, 15 years ago…

I am not unlike most women who can rattle off a list of things that are “wrong” with their bodies – height, weight, shape, width, hair, skin type, teeth, feet etc.  You named it, I would have a criticism for it. Except, lately, my criticisms are less sharp, more forgiving – they are virtually non-existent.

Is it age?  Is it the deep respect I have for my body’s ability to create and deliver life?  Is it spending my days teaching teenage girls, sensing their anxiety and being so grateful I am no longer at that stage?

Perhaps it is all of it.

I am happy with physical me.  It is a peaceful place to be.

In terms of internal me…it’s a bit of a different story.  I continually ask myself “What kind of woman/wife/mother/teacher/daughter/friend/writer do I want to be?” and I strive to be her.  When I do not meet my expectations I am terribly hard on myself.

Where I have learned to accept my body, I need to fully accept me and stop trying so hard to be the super woman/wife/mother/teacher/daughter/friend/writer.  Most importantly, I’d like to hush that judge that lives inside and just be.  While I enjoy every moment, see it’s beauty and worth I want to give myself the fearlessness to be, the eradication of the inner critic and the strength to forgive my errors with the same compassion I show others.

Change is not easy, but when it will bring you good, it is worth it.

What would you change about yourself?

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