Reasons I Shouldn’t Self-Publish

My writing and publishing journey has been an incredible learning curve. Even after everything I’ve learned…I feel like I’m about to fall into the ocean of things I don’t know.

However, after years of writing, editing, hitting send, receiving great rejection letters, and an eight-month period of working with an editor from Harlequin Historical, I owe it to myself to see this project through. And then, the gremlin rears it’s ugly head and speaks.

For those of you who don’t know the gremlin, you need to become closely acquainted with it in order to call out the bullshit it feeds you. This is what my gremlin has been feeding me of late and the way I shut it down.

I’m too old – I’m settled in my career as a teacher. I’m a mom. I’m in my 40s…the time to start something new has passed. The time to start from nothing has passed. Then, while listening to Rachel Hollis’ Girl, Stop Apologizing, I heard the Chinese proverb:

The best time to plant a tree is twenty-years ago. The second-best time is today.

Right?!? Considering I plan on living well into my 90s, I obviously have oodles of time to get this second career started. Also, what lesson am I teaching my children if I give up on my dreams because of my age? It’s not like I’ve wasted my time. I’ve built an incredible career as a teacher. I’ve created a wonderful home with my husband in order to give our children a wondrous life full of love. I have become a yoga instructor, an IB teacher, a blogger, a mother…my time has not been wasted. It has been used to build and create awesome things and humans. And, now, I will use my energy to build myself as an author of historical romance novels.

I don’t know what I’m doing – nope. I don’t. But, I’m learning. And, the universe responded to my complete ignorance with a post by a Torontonian romance writer where she outlined how to self-publish, step-by-step. I kid you not. So, I’m following her outline and I’ve hit my first snag…and I will prevail and continue.

My book has sex in it…what the hell am I thinking? Every scene is classy, dignified and oh, so romantic. It is between consenting adults whom are deeply in-love. I will publish under a pen-name. I am not ashamed of what I’ve created. I’m so proud of the years of hard work, of research, of editing – all during nap times…and when those disappeared…after bed time or early in the morning…sacrificing my sleep and time in order to bring my dream to fruition while still being a wife and mom. I’m thinking that I’ve written a beautiful love story and it deserves to be published.

This is too overwhelming – I think I’m more afraid of success than I am of failure. What if it all works out? How will I manage a home, kids, husband, teaching, and a side-hustle?!? In my mind, this will work out. I have so much faith in this book, in this series, that I know it will succeed. And, when I dig into my faith, I have no choice but to keep going because the excitement drowns out the overwhelm.

The gremlin can be loud. My belief in what I’ve written and my abilities is louder. The publishing of my book will occur in the same way it was written. Slowly. Without hurry. With love and commitment. And, one day soon, I will start to post all about the book itself and where it can be purchased.

In the meantime, visit my Alter Ego page or her website: carynemme.net

Do you have a dream your gremlins try to talk you out of? Would love to hear all about it!!!

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Get Messy, Be Unmessable #YogaLessons

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Hearing the words “get messy”, followed closely by “be unmessable” when I started practicing yoga made the English teacher in me raise a brow…oxymoron much?

Get messy.  It implies disorder, inefficiency, chaos. Everything which makes me cringe. I like order, calendars, ticking off boxes. Getting messy wasn’t what I was about. Little did I know, it was exactly what I needed.

It wasn’t until I embraced Get Messy and allowed myself to Get Messy did I see just how Unmessy it made me.

The freedom to allow myself to try, to learn to recognize fear of falling and failing (something I still struggle with on and off my mat), to look like a complete fool because the pose is completely wrong brings with it the promise of peace. Of quiet. Of telling every outer and especially inner critic to gth because I’ve got this.

Getting messy helped me tap into my confidence, my sense of certainty that regardless of how messy life can get or I get as I navigate it, I am okay. And, therefore, I can be unmessable.

When I accepted a position as a Guidance Counsellor, an area of teaching I had tried so many times to get into, I almost talked myself out of it because of the visibility of the position within my school. I was afraid that my mistakes would be known by all. I might have to do presentations to staff (something I find terrifying…yes, I’m a teacher…I know). I could make a decision which others would disagree with or an oversight could affect a student’s academic pathway. My reasons were endless. But, I also knew I couldn’t let the opportunity to learn something new, to stretch myself as a teacher pass me by. Well, I made (and am still making) mistakes. I asked (and keep asking) a lot of questions. I presented to staff and a group of parents…and, I survived. I gave myself room to be messy and in the process became un-mesa-ble. (see what I did there?)

Yoga practice offers insight about who I am and how I live my life almost every time I hit my mat. The nuggets of understanding are invaluable. But, this one…becoming messy and un-mesa-ble at the same time has enabled me to bring to fruition my biggest dream: to author a novel.

After two years of assessing my life on and off my mat, I can confidently advise anyone who is feeling off course, to get messy and become unmessable. Fearlessly embrace who you are, what you want to do, and then don’t let anyone stop you from doing it…especially, yourself.

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