Venting. We all do it. But, why?
We entrust our friends with our deepest fears and concerns and they listen to us with love and support. It’s a beautiful part of friendship. When we do it over and over and over while refusing to believe that changing any of it is possible. Or, when we put up barriers to any avenue which might actually bring about change we give up all of our power to the outer world. We also forget how those feelings land or how our energy is being placed both on our friends and in the universe.
I realize that part of friendship is being there for each other, but sometimes our friends don’t have the answers and we have to find them for ourselves. Venting isn’t about answers…it’s about support and finding compassion for our woes. But, at the end of a venting session, we can be left bereft because we’ve put all of the negative emotions swirling inside us outside of us, and still no solution has been found. We’ve gathered lots of love, validation for our views, compassion and support, a few ideas on how to fix the problem, yet we’re still a little lost.
The trouble is, somewhere along the way we’ve lost our power. And, sometimes that actually feels safe because then we convince ourselves we can’t do anything and it is up to others to change.
We can only control ourselves, right?
Imagine being so powerful that we could be accountable for every single thought, feeling and action?
Imagine being so powerful that we could actually take action and make whatever is ailing us …debt, failed relationships, stifled dreams, dead-end job, stifled career, aging, illness, fear for our children’s future, caring for aging parents…stop ailing us?
No. Debt won’t magically disappear. Marriages won’t magically be wonderful and dreams won’t just come true. Our jobs won’t just happen to be perfect and we can’t cure illness or create the best path of life for our kids…No.
HOWEVER, we can change our relationship to how we view whatever it is that is bothering us. AND, we can fundamentally change our relationship with ourselves.
I’ve lived it. I’ve seen it happen and felt it happen. Looking at my life objectively, nothing has changed necessarily. I have changed. I have made myself a priority. In doing so, my stuff hasn’t changed. I’m just better equipped to handle it.
So, my dear reader, my challenge to you is find a way to get your power back. Yes, by all means, lean on those you love for support during difficult times. Just don’t get stuck. Find a way out of the storm that leaves you feeling empowered. Lovingly encourage your friends who wallow too long in their woes to find their power and their way out of being stuck on a hamster wheel of venting, feeling powerless, not changing a single thing in their situation, waiting for others to change, venting, feeling powerless etc. etc. etc.
Venting might make the problem feel lighter momentarily because it is being shared. Ultimately, it still exists. It will still be there after girls night, or coffee night. The question isn’t if venting makes you powerless, the question is, what are going to do to get your power back?