Only during pregnancy do days matter – especially near the end. The final countdown to the moment when you finally get to meet the little person who invaded your body and knew every one of your secrets for 40 weeks give or take a week or a day or two, must include days.
Her room is ready. Walls have been painted a lovely lilac and her white furniture is ready. Decals of butterflies, flowers and bees decorate her walls – lovingly placed by her parents and brother. Her clothes, new and gently used from generous friends, are washed and neatly folded in the drawers. Receiving blankets, wash cloths, socks, mitts, caps – the whole lot awaits my infant girl. Big brother helped to select the softest bunny in the world for his little sister and her bassinet stands gloriously next to my side of the bed. I peak inside every morning visualizing her in it and am simultaneously overcome with memories of how her brother once slept in there all bundled up.
Our bags are ready. Everything is ready. Everyone is ready to hear the news. I am not ready.
I have a list of things to do, to complete before she arrives. Most of it includes finishing Christmas shopping and wrapping. There are also a few more things to settle in the new house. Our short list of names keeps changing and I’d love just one more good night of sleep.
I feel like I am racing time each time my uterus hardens as I live through Braxton Hicks. I stop and wonder after some period-like cramping that I haven’t felt in…well, in 37 weeks and 5 days! I wonder if this new found energy to settle, put away, clean up, cross off one more thing from my perpetual “to-do” list means that I am in nesting mode. I know it all means she will appear soon – but I still need a little more time.
I also know that I will miss feeling her move around inside me terribly. She has been a most physical inhabitant. Her brother was calm and occasionally reminded me he was there. She has been happily bouncing around since I was 17 weeks! I will miss feeling her and having her all to myself.
As with all things parenting related, when a baby decides to arrive has nothing to do with me or my wishes. It is the precursor to every lesson that parenting brings, particularly how you are no longer in control of your own life. It is all about letting go and letting life happen.
I can do that. I can let go. Just give me about 2 weeks and 5 days.